So what's really been happening with Mon?

Honestly, I'm so fucking sick and tired of people approaching me and saying:

"dude, you cool? i heard something happened!"
"are you ok, take it easy and just give it time"

like they really know what going on.. or hearing this and this is by far my personal favorite (imagine this line being said to you with someone pointing a finger in your face):

"dude, i know what you did.. and frankly i'm not mad, i'm just dissapointed.. i can't believe you're able to write something like that.."

Seriously, YOUR FUCKING DISSAPOINTED? do you even know what's happening?! I mean, do you even have just the slightest clue on what's really going on? or are you giving me this shit because you've just heard her part and not mine? and you're assuming that i made her feel bad for something i wrote that came straight from the aorta? c'mon dude.. easy lang..

ok for whatever it's worth, i still feel like shit, for writing what i felt and i feel like a dick because i made you feel like someone actually likes you as much as i do that it went to a point where i had to write all my frustrations down in my first blog and of course you had read it diba?! tsss... sige na nga!!

Anyway, it's been what? a good 2 and a half weeks? and i still don't know what i'm sorry for.. call me stupid but, wait.. no cancel that, call me an asshole but l;ike what i said.. "i'm not sorry for what i wrote"..

Anyway.. tomorrows agenda.. Dance lessons...

Seriously.. and this time, i'm not drunk..

I'm not a person who accepts defeat just like that.. For those who REALLY know me, i may not show that i'm like that.. but deep inside i am.. i do not know when enough is enough.. your gonna have to tell me when enough is enough for me to actually know that whatever i'm doing is enough.. may it be good or bad. Some say it's a good trait, they say i'm a "fighter" for being like that, but in all honesty, that so called trait either get's me into so much trouble or into so much shit more than it gets me to what it is that i really want...

So anyway, this is addressed to you and you know who you are. Yeah, ok.. first up, FINE!!, you win. It's hard for me to swallow this and you know that.. YOU WIN!

I mean, just to explain myself.. you got me.. i fell into the God forsaken ditch.. it's not deep yeah? and i wasn't actually expecting you to actually try and catch me, but i was kinda hoping you'd give me hand you know? at least a helping hand so it would be easier for me to get up since we go way back.. but you didn't since like what you said "you rather just keep everything inside rather than just say it" so.. i imagine you, just standing infront of the ditch watching me crawl up.. The only good thing that i can remember right now is while i'm crawling up, you were still talking to me yeah? and we're still calling each other names like "Jack" or something that's in the breakfast menu of this restaurant that serves really good tacos.. Funny because i feel so stupid to actually think that i'd get "Kudos" from you for trying to get out of that ditch by myself.. i guess i was wrong.. or maybe you're just like that since you don't say much when it comes to things like that.

Do I Sound Emo? or Do i sound like you? if and that's only if.. you actually say something..

Anyway, i'm not saying goodbye, since i'm still gonna be here and this is my space.. i was here first.. You know what, If this happens to a normal person, he or she would probably just stop everything and just walk away.. never to be seen by you or the others connected to you (you know who i'm talking about).. but like i said.. like they said.. "I'm a fighter".. i just don't know when to give up.. there you go..

You've may have won this battle... but from what i see.. we've only just begun..

The Statement..

I Hope and pray you get to read this.. this is the side that you wish not to see, not to acknowledge, and i bet you don't want to hear.. this is my statement to you..

It started with a song about the rain and breakfast and evolved to being the unforseen connections to what's a beautiful relationship now.. we never thought it would come to this.. maybe it's just me.. i never thought, imagined and even put an idea to this happening, but it did. At the begining i never wanted this but something inside told me that i wouldn't be able to get away from this so i accepted it..

For whatever it's worth, yeah i still do.. what's there to actually do something about it? i mean, it's there i can't take it out of my system, no matter what i do. Actually, it's feels miserable in a good way to actually acknowledge this towards you since for some reason i know it's not right, or maybe not the right time.. and knowing that if does push through which i doubt.. it's going to be, as society would probably put it pretty fucked up.. i don't know if you'd care, but from what you say you are is what you are, you shouldn't.. because i sure don't..

I've said my piece.. now it's your turn..

The first day of the rest of my life

I don't feel this way because i feel for myself.. i feel this because i feel for you.. i was once that age too, so i can imagine the confusion and the craziness that's bugging you right now.. i never meant for that if that's what you think. I never meant to make you feel uneasy. I never meant for this to happen to me as well.. but it did.

I always thought i'd see you as just a little sister and me as your big brother. I didn't expect to see that i'll be able to look at it in a different perspective. We'll I was able to and did told you in the hopes of you, seeing it the same way. too bad it was just a one way thing.. I risked everything, the friendship we had for my selfish reason of just getting everything straight for me.. and because of that, this happens..

My bad.. my bad.. sorry for telling you.. should have kept it in instead.. and not have it blow over everything. You promised that it wouldn't be weird.. but it is.. and i don't blame you.. that's why i'm sorry..

Still the Same G'thang